I’ve been getting really sentimental about this milestone. I don’t think it’s a unique experience that I feel pretty lost and behind in life lately, or that I wasn’t really given the tools by authority figures to set proper boundaries and figure out who I am outside of the constructs of society.
This isn’t a new concept. In fact, this blog pretty much goes against everything they tell you to do when blogging. It isn’t SEO optimized, it isn’t written to drive sales or traffic to anywhere else. I wrote this blog for myself. And for my readers, all 10 of you, I hope you can find some valuable insights.
So here are 30 lessons I’ve learned from my 30 years on this planet, in no particular order. Some are serious, some are not so serious. I hope you enjoy.
1. Always keep chocolate and a frozen pizza in the house.
That’s it. That’s the lesson. You love to snack and it’s always devastating when you want one of these things and it’s too late to go to the store. When you run out of it, pick it up immediately next time.
2. If you live near the sea, go to the sea. At least three times a week.
I lived a twenty minute walk from the Mediterranean sea for three years. Growing up in Nebraska this was a dream come true for me, but I spent so much time thinking about how I didn’t want to live in the French Riviera that I took for granted that I had made one of my life-long dreams come true. If I could go back, I would take a walk to the sea every day that I could.
3. Most of the time you figure out what it is you don’t want before you can envision what you do want.
Most of my life has been one big trial and error. I thought I wanted a lot of things. It wasn’t until I actually tried them out that I discovered those things weren’t in fact really aligned with who I am and what I want, and that’s okay. I am learning and growing and figuring it out. I think that’s all I can ask for. I don’t know why they tell us we should have it all figured out by now, but it’s a completely f*cked up thing to do to people.
4. Lean into resistance.
If a feeling or a person or an activity is bringing up resistance (in a healthy way, obviously you know when something isn’t right. More on that later) it’s important to unpack why. Lean into that feeling because getting out of your comfort zone is extremely important and is how you continue to grow.
5. When multiple friends tell you something about someone you’re dating, it’s probably true.
Your girlfriends, even distant acquaintances, will usually have your back more than any boy ever will. If they tell you he’s cheating, and you ask him and he tells you he isn’t, just listen to the women. They, in most scenarios, don’t have a reason to lie to you. Cherish your girlfriends.
6. Listen more to your intuition.
Even if it makes things difficult. Especially if it makes things difficult. The situation will end up way more complicated and difficult if you don’t. Your gut feeling knows what’s right and what isn’t right for you. Every single time you haven’t listened to that voice you’ve ended up regretting it. Even if you don’t understand why in the moment, you will gain much more clarity later on. Your intuition is so powerful.
7. When people tell you who they are, listen to them.
People will do things to get close to you that don’t match up with what they’re saying about themselves. Listen to what they’re saying instead of what they’re showing you when you’re getting to know them. When they tell you who they are, you’ll end up seeing that later on and wishing you would’ve paid more attention.
8. Don’t dim your light and don’t shrink yourself to make other people feel more comfortable. It’s never worth it.
A lot of people close to you won’t like certain aspects of your personality. That doesn’t mean you need to hide those parts away or shrink yourself down to make them feel more comfortable. You’ll only end up betraying yourself and feeling worse about it later on. The right people will stay and will love you through all versions of you. The wrong ones weren’t meant to stay in the first place. Do not dim your light and don’t shrink yourself for anyone. It’s never worth it.
9. If you can’t accept people for who they are, distance yourself from them.
Just as you don’t want to hide parts of yourself for others, you shouldn’t expect them to do it for you. If you can’t accept someone for who they are, make it easier for everyone involved and don’t try to make them change. They won’t. Just distance yourself from them.
10. Embrace wherever you are and ground. No matter how temporary you think it’s going to be. Temporary may end up being a lot longer than you think.
If you don’t like somewhere you are living and you can’t change the circumstances, do your best to ground yourself where you are. Even if you think you’ll only be in a situation temporarily. You have no idea how long temporary may end up being. Embrace where you are. Try to find beautiful things everywhere you go. You may end up missing those little things when you do eventually leave, and you’ll be mad at yourself for taking them for granted while you had them.
11. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Do everything you can to make sure it’s a healthy one.
The world is filled with things you can’t control, but you must be kind to yourself. You are all you have, and you are doing the best you can every day. You will make mistakes. You will hurt people you love. But that doesn’t mean you are bad or wrong. It means you are learning and growing and figuring it out as you go. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Do everything you can to make sure it’s a healthy one.
12. How someone treats and views animals says a lot about them.
If someone treats animals poorly it’s best to stay away from them. It says a lot about their character, and usually not good things.
13. How you treat those around you when things aren’t going your way will determine the quality of your life.
Just like you, people are doing the best they can. When things aren’t turning out how you expected, you must continue to treat those around you with kindness.
14. Be open to the magic.
You don’t have to do things just because your friends are doing them or because your family told you you should. Magical things happen when you’re open to doing things differently. Be open to discovering what’s down the path that nobody around you is taking. You don’t have to see how it will work out. You just have to trust that it will.
15. Be cautious of who you take advice from.
Make sure you take people’s advice with a grain of salt. People tend to project their own fears and insecurities onto you, and if someone isn’t where you want to be in the future, don’t follow what they’re telling you to do.
16. The things that show up consistently in your life are the ones you should be paying more attention to.
You know how you enjoy making movies and writing stories? Don’t stop doing that. There will be a time where you will stop because you think your writing isn’t good enough or you need to focus on other things, but please don’t stop. The things that show up consistently in your life are the ones you should be paying more attention to. Keep doing the things that you love that excite you.
17. Be wary of people that are eager to help you when you first meet them. They most likely have their own interests in mind.
People will deceive you. You have a way of trusting until you’re proven wrong, but your gut feeling about people and situations is always right. Follow that and you will save yourself a lot of heartache.
18. Always, always, ALWAYS have a signed contract or clear expectations and deliverables when any amount of money is exchanged. Especially if this is a person you consider a friend or acquaintance.
I got scammed out of 1,000 euros from an acquaintance in France that dealt with bureaucracy who said he was going to help me get my long-stay visa. He didn’t, I have no proof that he ever even submitted my documents, and he turned into a complete prick and wouldn’t even give me a partial refund when I kindly asked him if we could resolve the situation amicably and told me to get a lawyer. Not my proudest moment.
19. Do more things alone.
I wish I would’ve realized sooner that there’s so much power in choosing to be alone. To do more things alone. To spend time getting to know yourself so you don’t let the world tell you who you are. I, at 30, am just now starting to solo travel. I think I would’ve had a lot more fun and discovered who I was a lot sooner had I not needed constant validation and company (a lot of the times from the wrong people and influences).
20. Choose your travel partners wisely.
Who you travel with is going to make your trip or ruin your life. Not every friend or even partner is going to be a good travel partner. Make sure to really get to know someone before you commit to a European backpacking trip with them. Do they like doing the same activities as you that don’t involve drinking and watching Netflix? Do they respect you or do they like you because you make them feel good about themselves? Asking questions and setting up healthy communication styles and safe spaces for expression is incredibly important when choosing your travel partner.
21. Keep studying languages.
Some of the most beautiful opportunities you will have and connections you will make in your life are because you can speak more than one language. It’s a rare privilege to be able to meet people and connect deeply with them in their native tongue. And it’s an experience that most people in the world don’t get to have.
22. Employers do not care about you.
You’re going to have a lot of different jobs in your life. You don’t need to stress about them. Set boundaries with employers and don’t feel bad about it. You are a number to them, and they do not and will not ever care about you despite what they say. The sooner you learn that the more at peace you will be. Spend more of your precious energy on what excites you and work on projects outside of your job. And do not, for the love of god, give them more notice that you’re leaving than necessary (see: my au pair horror story).
23. Don’t beg anyone to stay in your life.
Whether that’s a partner, friend, or job. If something wants to exit your life, gracefully allow it and recognize that it’s making room for something even better. If someone can’t see what an amazing person you are, don’t beg them to stay in your life. Let them go gracefully and know that their departure is making room for people who will accept you wholly and fully for who you are.
24. Save your money and invest earlier in your life.
You don’t really need all of that stuff, especially clothes. You’re going to end up donating and throwing away most of it anyway. Save your money for experiences and traveling and get some help from someone on how to invest your savings.
25. Drinking alcohol isn’t a race and you don’t need to “keep up” with anyone.
You are smaller than the average person. Keeping up with others while drinking doesn’t win you a prize. In fact, it brings in a lot of evil and horrible scenarios. You don’t need to take the shots because your friends are. Just chill out and take it easy.
26. Don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you from taking risks.
Similar to being open to the magic, the most rewarding and beautiful things that have happened in your life are because you took a huge risk and didn’t know what was going to happen afterward.
27. Marriage doesn’t make immigration easier.
Bureaucracy is going to be a nightmare no matter what.
28. When something is and continues to be difficult or obstacles keep appearing, take a step back and ask if it needs to move forward right now. Often you’re being led in another, unplanned, direction.
Unlike resistance, obstacles and constant redirects means you might need to rethink if what you’re doing is really aligned with what you want or if it’s the right choice for you.
29. You don’t need to go to university.
You don’t know what you want to do with the rest of your life at 18 because you’re not supposed to make that kind of decision at such a young age. College is a scam and a waste of money. Go travel. Preferably by yourself. You learn so much more that way anyway. It doesn’t matter if your high school friends aren’t doing that. You should.
30. You’re not a burden on anyone.
If someone makes you feel like a burden to them or their life, step away from them. Don’t try to prove to them you’re not. Make choices that are aligned with YOU and YOUR values, and if someone can’t see or be empathetic of your circumstances, you don’t need them in your life.
Aging is such a privilege that a lot of my peers in my youth don’t get to experience.
If you are reading this and you had any part in shaping who I am, from the bottom of my heart: Thank you.
Here’s to the next thirty years. Hopefully I’ll be better at setting boundaries in these.
Love,
Holly